Cradling your inner child

Why do we dig down deep...

Over and over he thought... was he going on the right path.. just to console himself that might be this time the answer would be something different.. certainly.. that was of no use.. I mean he had everything.. still.. there was something missing.. he had his conflicts.. he fought with them evrytime..just to end with the mess.. He looked in the past for the mistakes he made.. there were signs of it. He went on the path most trodden.. he had the courage.. oh hell.. he had.. he knew his guts.. he had that attitude... .... .... ... .. That stuck him.. where that thing has gone now.. where is his fuck the world attitude.. when was the last time .. he did what he really wanted... He paused.. and the silence filled the like his room was listening to his thoughts...

That got to be the end....

good time after a long time!

WHY it is that .. when I want to have someone to talk to.. I dont find anyone...


Went to the VD's room.. All of a sudden..!
While returning from office, I had no plans of going there.. But then, returning to my flat I missed the shop where I get my mineral water for the night..
and next to that was the one which was adjacent to the housing society where VD lives.. I hadn't visited him in a long time.... The flashbacks started in my mind while driving .. the good times with my buddies we used to had there while we joined birlasoft... but then like a sand slips from the hand.. everything just went away without a whisker.. and it had been a long time since kaushik, neeraj, hooda, arvind left. Since then, my visits to VD's room started decreasing... Take it as anyways :me running from nostalgic feeling or my change of office timings or work pressure.... I just resisted going there... I said to myself.. Fuck all of the causes today.. Lets meet VD...
So i took some ciggrates as I used to take while going to his room.. ( as a custom i learnt from college days.. never go to the room of smoker friend without ciggrates in ur pocket.. the first qn always is .. "laaya kya?")

VD's friend opened the door and seeing me on the gate got superexcited and all his brotherly love exploded.. Hysterically, he started "Look who's here.. Bondi.. Welcome Brother..."
I smelt vodka in his breath.. WOW! I thought, What a time to be here...!!

Met VD .. Was happy to know that he was soo excited to have my surprise visit.. Met other room mates as well.. The Delhi guy, his new room mate looked decent.. Moreover he had the TCS background. TCS interested me for obvious reasons.. In no time, a peg was ready for me.. CHEERS! and I joined the B.C. (discussion, in moral terms). Two large pegs and the bottle was empty.. But by then.. I came into the mood to unwind.. to unburden myself with the work pressures at workplace..
I selected few hipshaking numbers in the playlist to set the mood and guys started humping on the 'dancefloor'.. In no time.. every body was in sync.. Since my dancing skills can put Rahul Mahajan to shame( I su*k .. :|), so I took the safe route which I enjoyed more and still look good .. which was... rock band imitation while grooving on BC sutta song..

All in all.. after a good time.. I was tired.. and decided its the time to move back home..

In the way i thought.. about the good time I had after a long time... and the thought rolled into my mind(along with rollling vodka) " Sometimes, we have to find happiness.. We have to be earnest in finding happiness even in the smallest things in life.. There are somethings that money can't buy ... " LOL..

and a smile flowed down my lips.. Smiling and singing the BC Suttah song.. I raced towards my flat.

Heartbreak warfare!

So he was getting ready for office again... For the same mundane routine.. The whisky from the last night was still speaking in the head.. he remembered the good time he had with his friends.. the way they fell from bike while struggling in night for another bottle of beer... a smile flowed down his face.... He saw his new formal shoes waiting to be worn, and he sighed... He spoke firmly to his head.. Dude, this is life..!

He checked himself into the mirror. He was looking smart, in complete formal clothes he bought from the best brands available. He remembered the time when he wondered why he only looks good in the clothes that he sneaks out from his friend's wardrobe with him sleeping in other room.. He told his head.. That life's over man..! This is what you dreamed for, a year back!.. SO CHILL!

He decided to concentrate on deodorant .. it smelled nice and he felt good instantly!

He checked the time on computer screen.. There was 15 minutes still left.. Desperately.. he opened gmail and then orkut and then facebook to check for any signs of her.. she was nowhere... He stared blankly to computer screen and scrolled mouse up and down .. The thoughts in his heard were fighting another world war now. Why the fuck is he so desperate to see her. The 'WHY' striked in his brain many times.. He started answering himself.. Dude.. ladki-vadki sab veham hai.. concentrate on ur career.. Brain replied.. "asshole, how can I concentrate when she is the only one which I get to think of the whole day. ." Suspecting he might lose the battle .. He used the emotional weapon on brain.."There are bigger things in life.. you have soo much to do.. remember all the efforts you put to get in here .. you dont want to waste all the efforts for some stupid chemicals that fight over a girl that you aren't even sure off.."

Brain retaliated.. "GO fuck ur excuses...Looser saala"..

Now he got agitated.. he was no more feeling good. He drank a glass of water. checked time.. Oh! he was late .. again..! Fuck.. he said to himself.. Fuck... you'll never change!!

He put his earphones ..making sure he doesn't get to hear any love song .. he chose linkin park and nirvana tracks in his playlist .. Kickstarted his bike and zoomed towards his office...